So, on Wednesday (Aug. 20th), I had a full-morning, pre-surgery class to get ready for gastric bypass surgery. We were given a lot of information on the potential for emotional (addiction transfer) issues, pre- and post-surgery diet and supplements, potential costs, again pre- and post- surgery. I definitely felt a bit overwhelmed when I left.
I’m excited about the surgery but a little apprehensive too. I really believe the surgery will give me a second chance at life – to be in less pain, to be able to walk again and dance again! And, maybe even think about finding someone to love again. Loneliness is definitely becoming an issue for my mental health.
The apprehension mainly comes from a fear of looking worse (thin but very wrinkly and saggy) than I do now. I have decided to be as positive about this experience as ‘humanly’ possible.
I know it is important to honour the journey and let it unfold as it will. I also know that fear of what hasn’t even happened yet is pretty much a waste of energy. What I’m having the absolute hardest time with is…being patient! This has been a three year process for me and trying to be patient has been very, very difficult! Sometimes very close to plunging me into a deep depression with very strong thoughts about giving up. I’m glad I haven’t given in to that and that I continue to put one foot in front of the other.
I’m grateful for the people in my life that I can talk to.
I’m grateful for a job that I enjoy doing.
I’m grateful for my cat, Brandi, she takes the edge off the loneliness and depression.